I know the standard way of handling the wmode problem is to register a callback that pauses the flash app and replaces the flash area with an image while the flash object is hidden.
What I'm trying to avoid is the flash disappearing in mid-game because of the facebook-chat auto-flyout when somebody sends a message the user (user's friends can essentially pause the user's game remotely, simply by sending them an instant message).
It seems as if Angry Birds Friends and Zynga's Ruby Blast Adventure have solved this problem somehow. These games run on stage3d so their wmode is set to 'direct', and when an instant message is received, facebook shows only a small new-message-indicator instead of displaying the full messages-dialog right away.
I can't figure out how they've managed to do that. For me, facebook always seems to pop up the messaging as soon as a message is received.
The game is in stage3d so having a wmode of 'direct' is a must.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.